Postby Kat Walker » Mon Oct 18, 2004 7:56 am
The absolute last thing that anyone with mental problems that severe needs to be doing is getting married.
Tell your friend - if there's still time - that marrying her will not alleviate these problems. Things will only get more messed up. He doesn't owe her anything, he isn't he cause of her mental instability and he shouldn't let himself be manipulated or guilt-tripped into making such a huge mistake.
I've had situations much like this, both when I was dating the person and when the affections were one-sided. Really immature, selfish, and disturbed people are so desperate that they'll go to insane lengths...
Let me warn from experience -- there was one guy I knew back in high school who was very much like that girl. I had befriended him, he was a decent guy at first...but then the stalking. He would follow me around. EVERYWHERE. Bother me...ALL THE TIME. I didn't have a moment's peace. I had to let him down gently MULTIPLE times, and when I finally got tired of it and had to be rather blunt and direct with him, things got out of control really fast. First it was the obligatory "I'm going to commit suicide if you don't love me!" act, naturally. When nobody took him that seriously, he began rumor-mongering. Things to the effect of me being a tramp, using him, cheating on him, etc....the fact that he actually got some people to believe we had even gone out to begin with speaks volumes about his ability to manipulate --a strange trait for someone so socially inept.
Anyway, after that he launched a personal assault against me by going to my friends. He managed to convince a lot of them to hate me, and even worse made my job as swim team captain next to impossible by spreading it to them as well. There were a lot of really lame politics going on at the time as well, so naturally people latched onto any excuse to make my life hellish. He. made. my. life. suck. To put it nicely. He also managed to get some of my internet friends to join the assault...the last people I had left, the only ones I thought seperated from this whole mess.
A very loyal one, however, gave me an AIM conversation one day. In it, this guy had given my friend really detailed "plans" on killing me and shooting up the school. This was just the thing I needed to stop him -- I immediately printed it out and sent it to the principal. He had a conference with the counselor, administration, and his parents present...which throroughly embarassed him, and got him into a lot of trouble. With my luck, I was not so fortunate to have him expelled or even sent to some much-needed therapy...but it seemed to help things die down. He had sadly taken over many of the friends I had, who were starting to act as unstable and immature as he was, and none of them would ever miss an opportunity to harass me -- but I think it sank through the many layers of cranium that he was a loser, he knew it, and he either needed to get a life or it was the "happy house" for him.
Anyway, this woman doesn't love your friend. She loves her obsession. She loves attention and anything that can momentarily squelch her rampant insecurity. Tell him that, and DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO STOP THIS WEDDING!!!!
Good luck. ^^;;;