Stumbling around...
PostPosted: Sun Oct 10, 2004 11:12 am
I don't know why I feel like I should share with you guys what's going on in my life. But I suppose it's for good.
Anyway, I'm having a lot of trouble this year, now that the school year is back in session. For one, I lost almost all of my very good friends (They went off to college - so as much as I want to see them and have the relationship that we had before, I can't... IMing isn't the same as face-to-face hang time) at the start of the school year. I don't have many friends - much less good friends (none at the level the college-bound guys were at) at school.
Recently, my grandmother passed away - and our family couldn't be there for the funeral. I never really got to know her... and that's the problem. I wish I could've... but, well... yeah. And it seems more of the extended family is passing away.
So, right now, I guess I'm dealing with a lot of loss. And a bit of stress. So, where does this leave me?
Unfortunately, all this is sending me into a depressed state. I'm not in despair (I've been there before... it wasn't pretty.) - which simply means I'm not thinking suicidal/self-destructive thoughts. I'm just... depressed. And though I feel like there are things to look forward to... I don't have the will to do them. Like my college applications. And my class work. (My grades have not been affected, except for AP Physics - where I have a little hope because I recently made an A on a test. I feel like working for that class - but before that A, I was slacking and sliding down the slope of low-range grades.)
And, for some reason, I stammer more when I'm talking with people and I'm more obsessive compulsive now than ever before. I'm not sure what's going on there... either way, it's not good.
Just pray for me, guys. I know y'all want to be my friend or whatnot... but it's not the same as having... real friends. I'm a naturally shy person... so making some good friends takes a lot of time. And I think that's what I need right now... well... not as much as God's overwhelming love and joy that I've seen from Him before.
... that is all.
Anyway, I'm having a lot of trouble this year, now that the school year is back in session. For one, I lost almost all of my very good friends (They went off to college - so as much as I want to see them and have the relationship that we had before, I can't... IMing isn't the same as face-to-face hang time) at the start of the school year. I don't have many friends - much less good friends (none at the level the college-bound guys were at) at school.
Recently, my grandmother passed away - and our family couldn't be there for the funeral. I never really got to know her... and that's the problem. I wish I could've... but, well... yeah. And it seems more of the extended family is passing away.
So, right now, I guess I'm dealing with a lot of loss. And a bit of stress. So, where does this leave me?
Unfortunately, all this is sending me into a depressed state. I'm not in despair (I've been there before... it wasn't pretty.) - which simply means I'm not thinking suicidal/self-destructive thoughts. I'm just... depressed. And though I feel like there are things to look forward to... I don't have the will to do them. Like my college applications. And my class work. (My grades have not been affected, except for AP Physics - where I have a little hope because I recently made an A on a test. I feel like working for that class - but before that A, I was slacking and sliding down the slope of low-range grades.)
And, for some reason, I stammer more when I'm talking with people and I'm more obsessive compulsive now than ever before. I'm not sure what's going on there... either way, it's not good.
Just pray for me, guys. I know y'all want to be my friend or whatnot... but it's not the same as having... real friends. I'm a naturally shy person... so making some good friends takes a lot of time. And I think that's what I need right now... well... not as much as God's overwhelming love and joy that I've seen from Him before.
... that is all.
)