about someone I'm feeling a lot of bitterness and hatred for..

[EvilSporkofDoom]

Hi.. I can't help feeling that this is a really trivial issue, but it's been bothering me for about a month and I'm been rather miserable about it. (I'm really sorry that I tend to go into detail a bit too much sometimes but I'll try not to get too long-winded) It concerns a relationship of mine that ended recently.. I dated this one guy for about 8 months, and our relationship was a very serious one (he was my first boyfriend - we broke up a few times but got back together before too long. The last time I knew it was probably a bad idea, but I was feeling depressed and lonely and I thought we could "start over", so we got back together once again). Although he really did behave like a jerk guy sometimes, I still had the idea that he was rather devoted - often talking about getting married after college and whatnot. Well, four days after he moved onto his college campus he told me that he was a different person now, and he liked his new self better.. and that he didn't want to date just me anymore - in essence, he wasn't interested in staying with me unless he could date other girls at the same time. At first I cried and thought he'd feel sorry for me and take back what he said, but he was rather cold and apathetic about it. The next I talked to him, I was pretty angry with him and we broke up. I talked to someone about a week ago who still talks to him periodically and she said that he's bragged to her about having sex with 6 girls at once, getting high off drugs, etc. I was already very bitter about the whole thing, but hearing that made me absolutely furious. It's none of my business what he does with his life anymore, but I'm just so disgusted with his two-faced, manipulative nature that I can't get over my hatred for him - this is the same guy who, after a chapel service in school one day, squeezed my hand and told me he'd never try to take my virginity from me. I realize now that this was most likely the reason he didn't want me around anymore, because I refused to give into the pressure that he promised he wouldn't put on me in the first place! I know I'm probably overly emotional, but the bitterness has been eating away at my heart more and more, and everything I think of him my eyes well up with tears and I just really want him to die - I feel that he deserves to for betraying me so much and not even caring about it. I thought he was a moralistic Christian, but he's not at all, the whole thing was just a front ( which he actually admitted.. although I must admit I probably don't sound very Christian myself right now for harbouring such malicious feelings).
I don't want to be miserable anymore.. I want to get over it, to forgot about him quickly as he did me, and to be able to date again without hating all men in general.
I'm sorry if all this sounds silly, I guess some of it's due to my immaturity and naivete, and the fact I'm not shrewd enough when it comes to dating, but.. I just want to stop feeling bitter and hateful; whenever I think about it my angry thoughts escalate into very violent and, I even venture to say, demonic ones. I don't want my mind to be constantly consumed with violence and hatred, and I want to stop my self-destructive habits that I often think will alleviate my sorrow. Again, sorry if I came off sounding like a silly pubescent teen whining about hurt feelings. I was just wondering if you could pray for my bitterness and anger to subside.. Thanks to anyone who's reading..

[shooraijin]

I can definitely see where you would feel betrayed and, well, used. At least the relationship is behind you, even though it's still hurtful. I will indeed pray that you can leap this hurdle, as well as for him that he might be convicted on the things in his life he needs to change.

[Spiritsword]

Not a silly request at all. I will pray for you, ES. I will pray for him as well, that He sees God's Truth and if not saved now becomes saved.

[c.t.,girl]

wow that is totally mest up what he did to you!! i'm sorry i don't have any advice eventhough you're not asking for it. i've never had a "boyfriend", i've always had guys that are best friends. i'm cool with that though. i still like this one guy though, i really like him. *sigh* anyway off my school girl feelings, i will pray for both you and him. and maybe you could pray for me cuz i also hate this one guy at skool cuz he made fun of my dad and he never said sorry and he kept acting like a jerk to me, for a while and i should probably ask him to forgive me for hating him. it just feels right to me to do that. hey maybe that's what you need to do ask him to forgive you for hating him! you could give it a try! anywho i'll pray. you seem like a cool person so ya wanna be my friend?!

[EvilSporkofDoom]

Thanks so much, you guys..

[Rogie]

I'll pray for you, and now that you've admitted to yourself and to your fellow Christians your feelings of disgust, etc., it won't be very hard to get back into a "groove" again. I'll pray for you and him, as well.

[Mangafanatic]

Oh, gee, I'm really sorry. That is in no way a trivial issue. You lost something you expected you would have forever. I would be devistated too! I'll pray that God will release you of any bitterness.

[Yojimbo]

Wow this is awful... Don't ever feel like it's silly and not worth talking about. Try and keep in mind that while your feelings of anger are justified that wishing ill will towards someone is not. If you ever want to talk on AIM or something I'll listen to ya. In the meantime I'll pray that you find the strength through our Lord to overcome this.

[ClosetOtaku]

I will pray as well. Prayer, I have found, is the best way to get through the bitterness of being betrayed/used.

And you deserve credit for standing your ground and not giving in to this fellow. Hate to say it, but there are a lot of guys out there like him. I know right now that just contributes to your feelings of hurt, but in the future you will look back and be rightfully proud that you chose the correct way.

[termyt]

Take heart, EvilSporkofDoom (never thought I'd utter that sequence of words, anyway), it sounds like it was a good thing for that relationship to end. God has a better plan for you and He will reveal it in His time. It's time for you to move on. Concentrate on what God has planned for your future instead of on the mistakes of the past.

God Bless.

[Spirit_Wolf8356]

Lina, I'll definitely be praying for you. *hug* Just know that if you ever need anyone to talk to, me and TwilightKiss are more than happy to be there for you...and if you ever just need to get out and do something with someone, I'm always ready to do something. (I think you have my number, right?)

And hon, trust me, you aren't whining, and even if you think you are, you have a right to.

[agasfas]

I'm sorry about all the wrongfull doings he has done to you. And i can see why you are upset, he has played w/ your emotions and thats not right. And truth is, you deserve much better. You wanted unconditional love and he didn't want to give it. It's hard to get over someone you really felt strongly about and truth is it's hard to move on sometimes. It take a big piece out of your heart, and at times you just feel like beating somthing senseless. I've been there. I'll prayer for you, and i hope you feel some kind of relief soon. But like i said earlier, you deserve much better.

[shadowblade]

I'll definitely pray for you. I'm having problem with bitterness and anger myself; it's very hard to fight against them alone. You just need to keep praying. Every time you find yourself getting angry about it again, pray. You can't let yourself dwell on that. That's a terrible thing that he did to you, and it's very hard to deal with. But you're not alone. We'll support you and pray for you to get through this. *hugs* Don't lose hope!