I've been having a difficult time lately with my relationships, mostly with my family.
I've never been open or talkative with them, especially my parents. I'm the oldest of 6 children, and the nearest ones in age do not share my interests. It's my fault that those relationships are so difficult for me. That's the result of basically a decade of not talking to them like I should have been. I used to be very quiet, even shy. Total introvert too.
My whole family's Mormon. My conversion to Christianity earlier this year has made those relationships very strained. I feel terrible about the worry I cause them (they basically view me as lost now). I worry about them and a lot of my friends.
I'm trying more to obey and show respect to my parents (which is extremely difficult when that includes staying within 2 hours of online time a day and participating in family activities that I have no interest in) but it's not seeming to help. I'm not perfect in that and i go over on my online time occasionally.
I'm constantly feeling stressed now. I don't sleep well and I don't feel as healthy. I get depressed a lot and I feel very alone here (we just moved).
I need the online time to talk with friends, which also helps me relax and have needed social interaction. There are a lot of friendships that I feel like I'm losing because I just can't communicate as much as before. Using a phone costs money, which I'm limited with until I can find a job. This two hour limit is not feeling like enough at all. No amount of talking with my parents is helping.
I still haven't talked in detail to them about why I believe differently than they do. I'm just scared to bring it up because they truly believe they're right and for me to not agree with the way they taught me seems like a personal insult to them, and even just a sign of rebellion they hope will soon pass. I don't feel confident enough to start that conversation now.
Also, it's getting to the point where if I'm sitting doing anything for any length of time (even 5 minutes) I feel guilty because I'm told I need to work more.
Even when I do things that are constructive, I feel like I'm wasting my life. I don't know what I need to do to get rid of that feeling. It's adding another layer of stress to everything else because it makes it feel like nothing I do is ever enough.
Please pray for me to be able to talk to my parents more and that there can be more communication, understanding, trust, and patience on both sides. Also, that I can find a way to let go of the stress and focus on God more.
***And also, I do read the prayer requests and pray although I don't always post. I just wanted to let you who post here know that the number of replies to your threads doesn't necessarily mean that only those people are concerned and praying.