whatever

[Bobtheduck]

I know this is sorta small and sounds weird, but just pray I can stay off games and computer for a couple days, and read my Bible and pray... I mean, I guess I've gotten severely off track...

I'm starting to get depressed again... I don't know what it's going to be like being surrounded by Christians all day at least 5 days a week... I mean, I definately have gone some routes that aren't the Christian norm, and I'm affraid of having the eyes of a lot of new people I'll have to explain myself to, and some old friends that have likely forgotten...

I admit I say and do some things that probably aren't right... I make inappropriate comments and I have a very freudian iconic recognitian and laugh at it all the way... All the bad stuff I end up doing and saying clouds the things that I actually feel strongly about, the stuff I'd actually want to defend, but I have no authority to do so when this other stuff is in my life... I like to give advice, but I've got a forest in my eye...

It took a night with "steve" to really hit me, but her little spiel just made me depressed... What do I really have to look forward to in the next month? I'm still gonna be lonely, and I know all the bad stuff in my life is amplified by lonliness... I wanna cut out my games and TV and computer, but Boredom makes it even worse... I would love to just read my Bible, but I'm driven to sleep as long as I can and dream my life away, and then to stay up when my inhibitions are lower, I guess...

I'm really looking forward to some new games that are coming out, but this pursuit of fun is pointless if I am not making any real progress in things that matter... yeah, I wanna make games but I haven't worked on my math since I dropped my algebra class... I have so much catching up to do, so much work academically, but especially spiritually... How can I be expected to represent Jesus in games if i can't represent him with my Christian friends or on my own at the store or doing my job?

I feel like there is nothing I can do to make it any better... I really thought that leaving would make it better, but I'm beginning to doubt that... It will be good to be accountable, but part of me doesn't really want that, and then there is the part of me that says it can never be like it was... I don't know if I'll have the same sort of connections on staff as I did as a student in schools and as a counselor and program team at camps... If that is brought to an end and I have nothing else to do, I'm afraid I'm just going to sink into a pit and never get up... (doesn't help that I'm listening to the Silent Hill 2 theme right now... *click* Ok, switched to "Go Ahead" by All Weather Human... Much better, but I'm still depressed)

Thinking about the Catholic concept of Purgatory, there's always been something inside me that plays with the idea that I'm IN it right now. That's actually a comforting idea, believe it or not. Of course, I don't really believe in that, but it is a tempting thought.

I just want to take a couple days off everything (except for my chores and my work), but that won't help me unless I replace it with something... I guess pray I find something that really helps... My normal "Pick a book and read it" method of Bible study can only work so long, as I've run out of books I was really interested in and I'm not all that thrilled about an indepth study of the Old Testament, particularly when I'm depressed... Although I must admit, I do find Judges to be rather entertaining, I need to read something that will get me somewhere... Of course, it's all God's word and I can read from everywhere and (provided I'm listening) get something usefull out of it, I guess... I don't know... I don't even know if I have enough discipline to stay off my TV and computer tomorrow unless I say "I'm going to do it" straight out, but I don't want to do that... It just takes too much effort and it drains me to think about what I"m NOT going to be able to do.

Even if I don't watch TV or get on my computer, I may end up finding some intereting box cover or candy wrapper to take up my time, and I won't have time to read God's word... That is common occourance, I mean. It's like I'm not even directing my days... I just give into whatever takes the least effort... Man, there are some things that need to change... Well, anyhow, I'll be back on Friday to report... Maybe something spectacular will happen today!

[Iona]

It's horrible to feel apathetic or depressed in our Christian lives, or worse to feel they're imaginary. Don't worry God will help you through it and I'll pray for you. I have been there too and I made the best decision of my life when I was working through depression.
"In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost." Matthew 18:14

[Lynx]

i'll be praying for you

[jonman]

i will pray.

[Swordguy]

seek and you will find. but anyway it will be awile till you get this but here it gose

i have been there in fact i a good thing your realizing what is going on in your life and that you need to turn back to the straight and narrow. i will pray deeply for you. Remeber coviction leads to repentance.

[Danyasaur]

I'll pray, I know what it's like to not know where you're going or amounting to in your life, just hold on, the bible says somwhere that all things shall pass, and "this to shall pass" so just keep that in your mind, I actually still going through that time in my christian life, so remember you're not alone

[Jasdero]

i will most definitely pray for you. take care Bobtheduck.

[Rogie]

I think I understand a little of what you're going through, Bob. It seems like every summer and I'm off from school, I feel as if there is nothing important or meaningful for me to do and I have to work to (re)find my purpose: that is, a life with God. I'm going through it right now, with backsliding and just getting this "I don't care" feeling a lot.

I'm not really sure how to give you advice, but I can pray for you. Actually, I just thought of something: today I started writing on a story I had started last summer, and it made me feel a lot better, as if I had accomplished something. Set a goal for yourself each day, even if it doesn't seem like it's serving God. Maybe He'll show you something in that seemingly "secular" activity that you won't see anywhere else. (What do you know? Maybe that was a little advice.)

Again, I'll be praying for you, Bob. Please pray for me, too.

[termyt]

Father,

Thank you for Bobtheduck's presence here on the boards and his desire to know You and serve You better.

I know what it's like to feel distant and I am not as close now as I wish I was. I have not spent as much time with You as I should and I have not spent enough time in Your Word as I should. I pray the Bobtheduck finds comfort in that he is not alone in his struggle.

Father, grant him peace about Your love and acceptance of him as he is now and grant him the wisdom and discipline he needs to refocus his life on You, the only focus that truly matters.

And Father, may Bobtheduck find comfort and support in his family and friends. Anime and games will wait for him, but You should not.

All for Your glory,
Amen

[Zilch]

You know, Bob, I had the same problem for awhile. You know what I did? I fasted the time on the computer for praying and devotions. It did wonders for me. Using this method, you realize that the time you spend on your computer isn't really evil, you just need to get your priorities straight.

[Syreth]

I'll pray for you man. The Lord is watching out for you and will surely show you something in His time. In Him is everlasting strength.