Wish she knew how sorry I am

[xGuardian]

I dunno which section this really comes under so if you're a moderator, please feel free to move it wherever you want.

So, there's this girl I used to be close friends with, I had strong feelings for her and still do, this girl who dislikes me and was jealous came along and said some awful lies about me and made us fight, eventually me & that girl I liked stopped talking because I was stupid and my depression ruined everything (I self-harmed and threatened to commit suicide and it hurt her feelings).
I feel bad and I'll never forgive myself.
I'm no longer a Christian because I know that I make an awful one and why should God or Christ accept such a horrible disease aka me? I just ruin everything that comes my way.
I wish I could be Christian but I always make an awful so I'll never be one but I do love God & Christ, I'll always thank Christ for dying for us all.
Anyway, I dunno what else to do, I miss her and care for her, I've never forgotten her, I always think about her and have apologised several times.
I wish I could have done things differently, I wish we were still friends but now I'll never hear from her again.
My heart aches every day and my tears won't fade away, she wants me to forget her but I can't.
I just want her forgiveness and to know if I'll ever hear from her again, even if it's just a random hello, even if it's an insult or to tell me what a jerk I've been, as long as I know she's still there, still breathing and at least acknowlleges my existence then I wouldn't mind.

[goldenspines]

Moved to Prayer Room, because it seemed more suited than Goof Off.


Well, you can start by forgiving yourself. People make really stupid mistakes and decisions every day, but God still forgives them when they ask for it. You're no different from any other sinner, so if God can forgive you, you should forgive yourself as well. There's no special power in saying "I'll never forgive myself."
And really, if God didn't want you, He probably wouldn't have died for you. I'm just saying. XP There's no "type" of person you have to be to be a Christian. You just have to believe that He died for you and that He loves you and then you're in (in a nutshell).

More to the topic of your post, you are very down on yourself. I can totally relate since I'm a self proclaimed expert at beating myself up. I mean, I suck, dude, a lot of us do. In fact, we could be here all day trying to one up each other on how terrible diseases we are to the world, but that would get stupid real fast, believe me.
But really, it's pointless to beat yourself up about the past. Even from what little I know of your situation (from what you provided), I think you both made mistakes in the friendship/relationship you had. Mistakes happen, though. You apologized about it, and so whether or not the girl forgives you is her issue, not your's. You're already forgiven.

[Hiryu]

I can't guarantee your best friend will forgive you, but one thing that might help, like Goldy said, would be to forgive yourself and to move on with Life. The past has passed, and there is nothing you can do to change your past. Focus on making a great present and future for yourself instead.

Your think you're horrible? Well it doesn't matter how much you've think you've done, the Lord will always love you as you are his son. Jesus Christ died for everyone when he took God's wrath and Humanity's sins to the cross with him.

"38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:38-39"

You lie to yourself when you think that you're no good for God's gift of salvation. Please accept what God has freely given to humanity.

[MrKrillz0r]

Man, don't limit Jesus power. He is more than able to forgive you for what you have done, just have faith! I've been going through the very same feelings as you have right now, doing stupid stuff which you regret with your whole heart and starting to think of myself as a terrible person and thinking that Jesus gift is enough for everyone else except me. Don't buy into these lies, no matter how evil and wicked you might be Jesus can forgive you. All you need to do is to have ask him for forgiveness and turn away from the sin, and he will forgive you. And you also need to learn to forgive yourself and stop looking to the past, why look at a sin which does not exist anymore?

[agasfas]

I struggle to say this, however I say this with loving compassion. We can not build a strong friendship or relationship that is built on threats to hurt ourselves. That is not love nor friendship, that is a method to force people to stick around. If you truly wish for this girl to forgive you I will echo what others have stated. You first need to pray for guidance, ask the Lord to forgive your sins, forgive yourself and move past your self pity. We all make mistakes but we need to learn to move on. Situations can not get better if you keep living in the bad situation (e.g. this mind set). With respect to asking her for forgiveness, just be sincere and honest. Explain to her what your told us: that this girl told lies, you were hurt and in return made comments that made the situation worse, express that your actions were wrong, ask that one day she forgives you even if you guys can not remain friends.

I will keep you in my prayers.

[Yuki-Anne]

I'm no longer a Christian because I know that I make an awful one and why should God or Christ accept such a horrible disease aka me? I just ruin everything that comes my way.
I wish I could be Christian but I always make an awful so I'll never be one but I do love God & Christ, I'll always thank Christ for dying for us all.

Honestly, it sounds like you know exactly what you need to in order to be a great Christian. If Christianity was about how good we are at being good, then we wouldn't need the blood of Christ.

Christianity is not about how good you are you; it's about how good God is that he forgives you in spite of your incapability of being good.