shinja

[Shinja]

i wish i had never done many of the things i have done, if i had not taken that first step i would not have had to deal with alot of problems in my life. as i sit here tonight i know i need to change, i try, and i fail, ive heard it said many times that you cant change your self you must give your life to God for him to change you. but i am pride full, and try to fix my self, i cant fix myself, i hate sin, i hate pride, i dont exactly know what i should do, i dont exactly feel bad, i dont feel much anymore, when i do i enjoy the sinsation of feeling, weather happy or sad, its like i still work on the inside, i have often started to write this prayer request, but hae been too ashamed or pridefull, but you are all the church i have had for a good while, i think for my life to be right, i must change my heart, but i cant do that, i need to get back with God. the bible says to cofess your sins to one another, so my 2 biggest weaknesses, are lust, and pride. for a guy whose never had many friends or never been on a date, its laughable that those are my weeknesses. i wish i knew where i stood,
i once felt really close with God, then i went through alot of depression, and was dumped upon by many Christians, i feel that was a time of testing in my life which i failed, i never got back. but i know God knows my heart, as he knows all our hearts, and he can make any path straight, but i have to change so please pray for me.

thank you

matt

[Saint Kevin]

Matt, you'd be surprised how well the whole not dating and not having many friends thing goes with the sins of lust and pride. I have the same issues and reflecting on it, I think the not wanting to really get close to anyone is kind of a combination of a wanting to protect others from your weakness and sin, and just plain insecurity. At least that's true in my own life. I'd be more than happy to pray for you, and especially that you find a church where you can feel at home, if, as you say, CAA is your only source of fellowship.

If you wanna talk about anything, feel free to PM me, or AIM me if you see me online. If for some reason I'm on CAA but not on AIM, PM me that you want to talk and I'll jump on AIM.

God bless you, your brother in Christ,
Kevin.

[Stephen]

I am praying for you man...more people have an issue with depression then you would figure...I know it eats at me a good deal.

[Shinja]

thanx guys,

[Madeline]

I'll be praying for you.
I know these feelings of confusion...the best thing to do is to turn to the word of God. The power of those words can wash away the nothingness and the confusion, and soften the callused places on your heart. I'm not sure why, but when I'm depressed and dirty inside, I turn to the book of Job. This is a constant reminder that I'm not alone in what I feel, and that even when everyone you know is fighting against you, through the power of God you can still stand. It's a reminder that God is in control, and that through His forgiveness and the blood shed on the cross, I am made blameless, however depressed or confused I may feel inside. One verse that comforts me is the verse that says, "He reveals the depths of darkness, and brings deep shadows into light". Although my heart and mind are dark, he is the light that destroys the forces of darkness, and releases me from my bondage. Brother, throw your shackles to the ground and be free in the light of the morning!
God bless you,
-Madeline

[shooraijin]

I'm praying for you as well, Shinja -- shall we say that your experience is not unique.

[Spencer]

Totally man, I'll be prayin. Hope you start to feel better soon dude.

[Shinja]

thanx yall, i dont really feel bad its more of a concious descion than an emtional one. its just the realisation that i wont change unless i give up my problems to God, and the best way to do that is through asking for prayer, especilly when my pride tells me i can fix myself. experiance has taught me better.

i really do think far too much,

[Rogie]

I can understand at least a little of what you're feeling, Shinja, so know that I'll be praying for you.

[YesIExist]

I'll pray for you.

[Ashley]

Wow, what a lot to try to handle. At least know this: you're doing the right thing. I'll be on my knees for you shinjster.

[Zedian]

I have been in that situation many times...depressed or lonely but I always just hold my head and pray. God is always there and will sticketh closer than a brother in the hardest trials of your life. I'll be praying, and just I'm sure many of us here can relate to that same situtation.

Peace, Mike