Dangerous situation

[Yuki-Anne]

Hey, guys.

There's this married guy in my church, and it's no secret that his marriage is unhappy. His wife hasn't been to church in months. He's a fellow foreigner, he speaks English, we both play in the band, and I work a lot with his kids, so we've developed a bit of a friendship. He's been very kind to me, allowing me to borrow one of his guitars.

Yesterday after church he invited me to lunch with him and his daughters. I declined, because I can see the danger from a million miles away. Red flags EVERYWHERE. I'm really concerned by this because I don't want any kind of drama, least of all drama involving a married man. I have no idea what his intentions are, and I don't want to assume that he has unseemly motivations, but it's not hard to see the millions ways in which the situation could turn really bad. I told the church staff about it because it's best if they know, just in case his wife comes around furious and hurling false accusations about me. Just pray that I can be guarded and remain above reproach, and pray that God can help them repair their marriage.

In other news, I'm feeling kind of discouraged in my faith. Somebody called me a hateful bigot for having a different opinion on the nature of certain moral issues. I won't get into it because I don't want to start a debate, but I was being as non-confrontational and loving as I could, and I didn't mean to get into this debate, I was just kind of sucked in. Other people on her side of the debate told me she was out of line and that I wasn't being hateful at all, but it still made me feel really awful to be called that, you know?

And today I realized that somebody else on FB defriended me, which wouldn't normally bother me that much, except this person was a non-Christian, in fact very anti-Christian, and I feel like it was my faith that probably drove him away. And that bothers me a lot, because the last thing I want is for people to be repulsed by my faith, or to think that I am self-righteous and hateful. It's hard for me to just accept that some people hate Christianity and those who are different in general, and that it's not my fault.

Add to that some nasty headaches, some dizziness on Saturday, and my chronic neck pain. I was seeing a chiropractor in the States, but seeing one here is too difficult for the time being. I do some daily therapy, and sometimes it helps, but I'm almost constantly in pain somewhere along my spine.

My weekend in a nutshell: I feel assaulted. I could use some encouragement and relief.

[CrystalChalice]

Wow, that sounded like a really tough weekend. I'll be praying for you Yuki.

[TheMewster]

Woah, Yuki, I just prayed for ya'. Remember that your faith should come above any friend and that a true friend should respect your beliefs. Not the best at advice giving, but I would just pray about the marital situation, express your concerns to somebody who can help, and stay out of it. But like CrystalChalice said, that WAS a tough weekend. God bless you!

[Atria35]

Praying for you

[Kaori]

Spent a few minutes just now lifting each of these things up in prayer.

At the risk of this sounding like a pat answer, the Bible tells us that we will face trials and persecutions. That’s to be expected if we are living out our calling. Although you may already have been looking at these yourself, or had someone else around you point you to them, there are tons of verses that come to mind, like John 14:6, James 1:2-4, Matthew 5:11-12, 2 Cor. 4:8-11, 1 Peter 1:6-7, and 1 Peter 4:12-16. In particular:

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. [. . .] if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that nameâ€

[TopazRaven]

Wow, what a weekend indeed. 0.o I'll be praying for you Yuki and for this guy and his wife as well! I think you did the right thing by decling. I would have been the idiot who went, 'lol, ok, lets go!' thinking it was just a friend thing.

[shooraijin]

The "bigot" card does get played a lot these days. I'm sorry it was applied to you, plus the remainder of the issues you got saddled with. I do hope that he takes the hint about refusing lunch.

[ShiroiHikari]

Well...I think I would just be straight up with the guy and tell him that it's nothing wrong with him personally, but since he's married with kids, you don't feel comfortable going to lunch with him, especially since his marriage is obviously not a happy one. But that is a tricky situation and I'll be praying that God will lead you in the way He wants you to go.

[Yuki-Anne]

Hey, guys, thanks for praying, and thanks for the encouragement.

Kaori- Those verses had been on my mind, but I hadn't read them. Maybe I should have, because they were encouraging.

Shiroi- I said, "You know, I'll pass for now. Thanks though." I suppose that left me open for further invitation. If it continues, I'll consider being more direct. I wasn't so straight up because it's a sensitive situation, and if I can sidestep the whole thing without hurting anybody's feelings, that would be awesome. Honestly, I was so surprised I wasn't sure what to say; all I knew was that there was no way I could take him up on the offer. I kind of struggled for a good way to say no for a few moments.

I hope I was visibly uncomfortable enough to discourage him from taking further steps. At this point I'm considering saving up to buy my own guitar. It now makes me very uncomfortable to be borrowing his.

[bkilbour]

Hey, Yuki, just wanted to let you know that I'm proud of ya.
You've handled the persecuting situation expertly, and were humble enough to be bothered by accusations hurled at you (which means that you aren't guilty, in my eyes).
And as for the unhappy man, I will pray for his marriage - desperation and unhappiness can do strange and evil things to people, including going to the wrong solutions for things. If he works on his marriage, then I believe things will get a lot better

[Kaligraphic]

I think it's important, in undertaking any sort of public or publicly visible ministry, to remember that even though you may be called to minister to many people, you are not necessarily meant to minister to every person who crosses your path. There will be people who do not receive you, and they may not be meant to receive you. That's not necessarily your fault or anything like that. They may need something other than what you're meant to do. That's why there's an assembly of believers and not just a few super-people roaming around doing everything.


Also, as an incredibly wise person once said, haters gonna hate.

[Arya Raiin]

Hey, guys.

Yesterday after church he invited me to lunch with him and his daughters. I declined, because I can see the danger from a million miles away. Red flags EVERYWHERE.

I've had that happen. A guy asked if I wanted him to take me home since I was tired. I declined since it might have turned out badly. O.O]
...the last thing I want is for people to be repulsed by my faith, or to think that I am self-righteous and hateful. It's hard for me to just accept that some people hate Christianity and those who are different in general, and that it's not my fault.
[/QUOTE]

People certainly hate Christianity, and it isn't your fault. We're called to stand for our faith.

[ABlipinTime]

I'll be praying for you, Yuki.


Just as a side note, I think it's kinda presumptuous to be stringing on the de-friending on facebook. What I mean is, it's quite possible there is a different reason for it, so don't feel too bad over that.

Don't worry about the bigot thing... people often call names or apply phony labels when they simply don't like the opposing argument. e.g. Consider how the early democrats (back when Thomas Jefferson was around) were called "anti-federalists". They were not anti-federalists - they did want centralized government - they just didn't want it to have the same amount of power that the current "federalists" wanted it to have. It's sorta like what happens in arguing for a false-dichotomy, or is that too confusing?

Don't worry. Jesus loves you. Try to learn what His will is and do it, and it won't matter what negative opinion others have of you. God's will be done.